Regrets, I Have None
by SlaYeRGiRLkaL
Summary: After walking in on his wife and her lover Derek Shepherd moves to Seattle. He didn't expect to meet his wife's lover there, nor did he expect to become her friend.
1. Chapter 1

This was an idea that I just couldn't get out of my head, I like it more than my most recent posts, this story will have 3 more parts, this is just the intro. I hope you enjoy and Happy New Year

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"Straight tequila? Really? You're going to be sorry in the morning." The man sitting next to me said as I took another shot. His voice sounded strangely familiar, but it took me a moment to place it and I was horrified when I realized where I recognized it from. I'd never forget his voice.

"I'm always sorry in the morning," I whispered turning to face him.

"Do I know you?" He asked as our eyes met. The bartender had just left his drink and I signaled to the man letting him know that the drink was on me before downing my final shot and turning to answer the man's question.

"I used to have sex with your wife," I responded quite bluntly. He muttered an "oh" in response before silence settled over us.

"She'll be my ex-wife soon," He said after a prolonged silence. "She filed for divorce, she didn't want me to find out until she was out here with you." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Apparently I've neglected her, I haven't had time for her, so she didn't have time to tell me that our marriage of ten years was over. She was going to have her lawyer tell me. Mark says she's been crying nonstop the last two weeks, not because our marriage is over, but because you won't return her calls." He knocked back what was left in his glass before looking at me again, and I saw unshed tears in his eyes.

"I am so sorry," I tried, but he shook his head.

"You didn't know," He said simply and I nodded, I didn't know, I had thought that Addison was the greatest thing in the world, and I had wondered how I had been lucky enough to have her as mine, but she wasn't mine. The bartender had refilled our glasses and the man next to me rose his glass. "I propose a toast," He said with a grin and I raised my own glass. "To Addison, may she be forced to pay for our stays in rehab when we become alcoholics." I laughed at him before downing my shot. He threw back his scotch before holding out his hand. "Derek," He said introducing himself.

"Meredith," I said in response. Nothing else was said between us that night, we just sat there in silence as we drank and when I went home that night all I could think about was Addison. All I ever thought about anymore was Addison, but tonight was worse, because Addison was supposed to be coming tonight. She had promised me three weeks ago that she'd be here, that she would be moving into our home tonight, but she wasn't here, and I wasn't waiting for her arrival. Instead of being happy in bed with the woman I loved, I was drunk and alone in my empty bed. The alcohol had failed to numb the pain, if anything it had intensified it. My phone was glowing on the bed next to me, I had silenced it so I wouldn't hear Addison calling, she left a message. She would typically call at least 20 times before giving up and leave a message until my voice mailbox was full, and I would listen to every message saying "I miss you" "call me" "I love you" "I just want to know you're okay" "I miss the sound of your voice" "I'll do whatever it takes to make this up to you." I listened to them all because I missed her too, I missed the sound of her voice, I wanted to tell her I wasn't okay and I wanted her to make it up to me, and I listened because it hurt, and a part of me wanted to wallow in my own misery. My phone lit up again and this time I reached over to answer it. I didn't say anything right away, I just heard Derek telling me that she loved me, his voice rang through my head as silence filled the line.

"Meredith," Addison finally said, and I snapped back to reality.

"Don't say anything," I said firmly, "Just listen." The line was silent, until Addison uttered an "okay" in response, and I began. "You need to stop calling," I swore I could feel her heart drop at my words, and I continued trying to lighten the blow. "Tomorrow is my first day and I need to get some sleep." The line went silent again. "If you really miss me, love me, and want to make it up to me, you know where I am Addie."

"Okay," She whispered. "Goodnight Meredith, and good luck tomorrow."

"Goodnight Addison," I whispered before hanging up.


	2. Chapter 2

This picks up right where the last part left off. I hope you enjoy, I'd like to have the next part up in the next week or two.

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*One Month Earlier*

"Addison we need to talk," I said as we sat down at the kitchen counter in what had become our apartment.

"Oh god are you breaking up with me?" She asked to which I shook my head and she sighed in relief causing me to laugh. Silence settled between us for a few moments before I decided to continue.

"You know how my mother couldn't attend graduation?" Addison nodded. "She's sick," I blurted out, happy to finally tell someone. "And I haven't told anyone," I continued feeling somewhat relieved just to get the words out. "But it's getting worse." Addison remained silent, allowing me to continue yet again. "She has Alzheimer's, early on set, and I can't stay in New York, my internship at Seattle Grace starts in a month," I paused and took in Addison's expression before continuing. "And I know it's a lot to ask, but," I paused again, as the words caught in my throat. "But I would love it if you would come to Seattle with me," I finished, hoping that she would say yes. Addison remained silent, and her silence worried me. I was afraid, terrified that she'd say no, that I'd move to Seattle alone, that I'd never see her again. It was a paralyzing fear, and I did what I always did when I got nervous, I started to ramble. "I have a house, my mother's house, we could, it could be our house, we could live together officially." She cut me off before I could go on.

"Meredith you're rambling," She whispered as she reached out to take my hand. I hadn't even realized that I had stood up and was about to start pacing when she spoke again. "Of course I'll move to Seattle with you," She whispered. Her hands were tugging at my hips, and I felt her pull me close. I just stood there leaning over her. "I'd go anywhere for you." Her words made me smile, and all of my anxiety slipped away as she ran her fingers through my hair. "When do you leave?" She asked.

"Two weeks," I whispered.

"You know I won't be able to leave right away," She began and I nodded. "I'll have to pack and take care of a few other things and then I'll follow you out there."

"You promise?" I questioned.

"I promise Mer, you know I can't stand to be without you."

I couldn't believe that, that had been only a month ago, it felt like much longer. It felt like so long since I had, had Addison in bed next to me, since I'd last touched her, and that had only been two weeks ago.

xxx

It was three days before I was supposed to leave for Seattle and I was so busy packing that I didn't realize Addison was there. I was startled when I finally noticed her.

"What are you doing here Babe?"

"Watching you pack," Addie answered suggestively and I couldn't help but smile. "How about you take a break from packing," She whispered before leaning over to kiss me. "I have something for you in the kitchen." I couldn't say no to her and I let her lead me out of the room.

"You made this?" I asked excitedly as I opened the album she handed me. It was full of our photos. I didn't even realize that there were so many, but the knowledge that there were filled me with joy.

"I didn't want you to forget me," Addie said with a smile.

"We're only going to be apart for two weeks Addie, two weeks and then we'll be home, we'll be in our home and we can make love on every single surface," I whispered and her face lit up. "Just two weeks Addie." The redhead was grinning and she tugged my hand.

"Come on I want to take you somewhere special," She whispered and I let her lead me away. She took me to her car and I smiled as we drove off. Her hand never left mine and I was stunned when we arrived at what I assumed was her house, I'd never been there before, Addie said it was too big and my apartment was cozy. She took my hand again when we got out of the car and she lead me inside and up the stairs to a bedroom that was piled with boxes. They were Addie's things. "I'm almost ready to go," She whispered. This was really happening, we were really doing this and I couldn't hide my excitement.

"I love you Addie," I breathed as I took her cheek in my palm and pulled her in for a kiss. It didn't take long for me to undress her and soon our clothes were in a pile on the floor and I was on top of her on the bed. Our lips were practically glued together in a heated kiss as my hands roamed the lower half of her body. I distinctly remembered them being on her hips before I'd cupped her ass and then I was parting her thighs and everything became a sexy sort of blur. My lips encompassed a pert nipple and my fingertips teased through her slick folds causing Addie to groan in delight as I kissed my way down her body. Her fingers tangled in my hair as I pleasured her most sensitive region with my mouth and fingers. She had one hand buried in my hair and another fisting the sheets as she climaxed. I looked up at her with this sort of self satisfied grin that I always had when I'd pleased her and she was smiling at me and just as I was about to kiss my way up her body I heard his voice.

"What the hell is this Addison?" He was loud and angry and she was surprised to hear him. She didn't say anything and he continued yelling, but the only word I heard was wife. She was his wife. How could she be his wife? She was supposed to be mine, we were supposed to be together right now, but instead her husband was in Seattle, and I was alone, and that's how I fell asleep.

I should have known that he was a surgeon, but I hadn't really given his occupation much thought. I had been too caught up in his existence, and his being in Seattle to even think that he was a surgeon.

"I can't work with Shepherd," I said to Cristina, my fellow intern as we tried to figure out what was wrong with the patient. She just looked at me in this way, and without realizing it the words were spilling out of my mouth. "I had sex with his wife!"

"Does he know you had sex with his wife?" She asked in this perfectly calm tone.

"He walked in on us," I blurted out.

"Oh, he's definitely going to choose you for this surgery," She responded as we each reached for another book. Cristina was right and he did choose me for the surgery.

"Come get a drink with me," He said as we scrubbed out. I couldn't say no to him, and so I agreed to go back to the bar across the street with him. He ordered a scotch, while I ordered a beer, and took the same stool I had occupied when we met the other night. "I guess I don't have to ask how you met," He sighed. I realized then that I was going to need something much stronger than a beer to get through this conversation. While he downed the rest of his scotch I ordered three shots of tequila. His second scotch was placed in front of him as I threw back my first shot, and once I had placed the glass back on the bar he spoke again. "How?" I had never heard such pain and sorrow in a single word, and it was then that I realized that I wasn't the only one Addison had hurt, she'd hurt him too.

"It was late October, she'd gotten out of surgery late, she had that buzzed surgical look, my mom used to come home like that all the time. It was late, probably 11:30 and I was in there studying and she sat down with me. We flirted over a cup of coffee," I answered and he simply nodded, unfazed by my words. "I thought she was breathtaking the first time I saw her, but I never thought," I trailed off. "We talked and she said we should do it again and we met up a few days later and, she's just amazing you know," I said with a small smile and he nodded in agreement. "We spent Halloween on my sofa watching horror movies." Derek didn't let me continue.

"Addison hates scary movies!"

"I know, she didn't realize until halfway through the first one that the entire point was to get her to curl up in my arms." Surprisingly Derek chuckled at that.

"Very smooth," He said with a grin and I couldn't help but return the gesture. "Eight months," He said a moment later, throwing back the remnants of his second scotch before ordering another. "I can't believe it," He continued, taking a large gulp of his third as it was placed in front of him. "I should have known or suspected, she started acting strangely around Thanksgiving." The first time Addie and I had been intimate was right before I'd left before Thanksgiving and I was sure that Derek realized that as well, and he grew silent.

Things between Derek and I remained silent for a while, and while I was happy not to talk about Addison, the silence was painfully uncomfortable. I knocked back both of my remaining shots in an attempt to fill the silence, and Derek was on his fifth scotch when the silence finally got to him.

"I should have known, she was all ready to go on Valentine's day before I'd even told her I had made dinner reservations. She wanted to spend the night with you, I think she was relieved when she got a call from work, like nothing would be worse than spending the evening with me rather than with you. She didn't want to have sex, she didn't want to be touched, so I went to work and I stayed there. I didn't pay attention to her and you did. I let her get away, I pushed her away, I didn't mean too," He sobbed. "My marriage is over. I took her for granted, I always thought she would be there and now it's over." He fell silent again. "I shouldn't be drinking," He mumbled.

"We won't drink tomorrow night," I responded with a grin. "Let me take you home Derek," I added after a moment of silence.

"You seduced my wife and now you're going to seduce me?" He questioned with a grin. I didn't respond and he allowed me to lead him home with me. I brought him up to one of the spare bedrooms and laid him down next to me holding him to my chest. "I screwed up, and my wife cheated on me, but I still love her," He rambled. "She's in love with you though, so in love with you, she's just waiting for the new divorce papers, I think she lost the old ones." I nodded in response and watched as Derek dozed off and I slipped out from under him, remembering what he'd said earlier about Addison filing for divorce back in January. Addison had decided that that she wanted me in January. I remembered ringing in the new year with Addie. That was the first night we'd exchanged I love yous and she'd decided that she wanted me shortly after that. While I felt awful about Derek, there was nothing I wanted more than Addison, and despite how hurt and angry I was, I still felt like we could make it work, I just hoped that she really felt the same.


End file.
